Sacrafices

So this weekend has by far been the hardest, teariest weekend by far, I feel like I did my full on freak out grieving. But what was nice is what came next. I have moved to my next step in grieving.
Acceptance, oh ya I am so ready for this step! After man tears, quiet time, and an amazing book (Kisses From Katie talk about an amazing journey of faith), I had an "ah-ha" moment. Katie was grieving over the loss of one of her children (the birth mother took her after 2 years) and she turned to God, to only realize that He understands, He knows her loss, His pain is worse, He killed his only son so that we can have salvation.
I put my book down and prayed. How can I continue to grieve the loss of my unborn child, when God has had to grieve the loss of his only son, but in Heaven they have been reunited. It felt freeing, the answer I had been seeking.
While I have been overwhelmed with my sadness, I have not been able to see the good things that have and will come from this loss. The growing that I have already seen in my heart, the communication this has brought between Dennis and I, the relationships that have grow in the midst of my tragedy.
Today is a good day, and I fell that tomorrow, next week, and next month will be too. Its not about forgetting a loss, its about moving on and still living afterwards.
I'm tired of hiding, of crying, of feeling deep sad loneliness, I'm tired of the pity, of the sad looks, I'm ready for acceptance.
So here I am one day at a time taking my life in my hands and handing the whole thing over to God, I'm ready to fulfill his path and stop making my own.