Patience

I always hear, Patience is a virtue, it is currently not one of my virtues!
There are seven virtues and each has a vice associated with it;
Chasity: Lust
Temperance: Gluttony
Charity: Greed
Diligence: Sloth
Patience: Wrath
Kindness: Envy
Humility: Pride

I know I'm not perfect, but I completely fail at patience sometimes. The definition of Patience: the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
That is not me right now, I'm complaining, losing my temper, major irritation, and all the like!

I have prayed for patience, and it is not a pretty sight. Don't pray for something that you are not actually sure you want. I have been tested more then I ever thought I could have been over the past year. In the end I truly appreciate the attempt to make me patient, and it has helped alot, but again, still not perfect.
If I turn it just a little and not focus so much on trying to be patient, but instead on the sin associated with it; Wrath, it makes it a little more tangible for me. When I think of wrath I think of anger, hostility, and what I suffer from the most of all those, entitlement, the thought that you deserve something. But truly we don't deserve anything, nothing should be owed to us.
Sometimes we get so focused on the virtue, and not on if we are not practicing the virtue what does that look like. Sometimes we can read a word and say, yes that isn't me, but read the definition, delve in to it, is it something you truly struggle with? I don't want to feel like I'm entitled to anything. Deep down that is my true struggle, to not feel like I'm owed, entitled or deserving of anything.
I will continue to pray for patience, but will also pray to let go of my entitlement issues. I would rather pray for strength to handle what ever God's decision is then to pray for a specific outcome. Pray for others, but not for myself. Instead, pray to be a better person, have more strength, love more, serve others and be content with what God gives me.
This 'house' experience has been a challenge on my patience and self deserving attitude. I want answers, I want conclusions, I want, I want, I want. How selfish is that? In order for us to get what we "want" we have to affect the lives of others. I know my future won't be ideal for us, but I pray that it serves my Lord.
We don't know where we will live and that scares me, through the fear, I will look towards the good that could come of this.
Now to leave you with the funny virtues!