Reality hit

While planning our journey to Uganda, I tried to prepare myself for what I thought I would see, feel and experience. Don't know why I even tried, I was not prepared for how I would handle it all when we got back. Going there was unreal, it was a whirlwind of things to do, places to be and faces to see. Sad that some of those faces are starting to fade from my memory, they were popping up every night before bed. After 3 weeks I knew that would start to change.  
When we arrived back at home I was exhausted, as I didn't want to sleep I unpacked our stinky bags and started on what turned out to be half a dozen loads of laundry! Unfortunately Dennis feel asleep right away. I decided to go through all the photos of our trip, as soon as the videos started the tears began to fall. Our friends Matt and Karen came by, we relived the whole thing, oh the excitement of finally sharing our stories with someone else.
Thinking I had the jetlag under control I fell asleep to wake up normal and feeling great Sunday morning... or so I thought. This is when what I thought I was prepared for hit me like a brick! During church I began to get really antsy in one place, I couldn't sit still, my mind kept wandering and I caught myself forgetting where I was. Once the service ended we were eager to talk with our friends and catch up in the lobby. So excited to finally see Ashleigh's ring (Jason's new fiance) and hear about wedding planning, she said she was heading out for dress shopping, I wanted to be a part of that, I love anything to do with weddings, but than realizing what that would entail; not having a chance to go back home to see my dog for hours, and not having a chance to do what I wanted (nothing) on the first day back after 11 days with 16 people in a very structured environment. I broke down, I don't remember the last time I had that sort of a mental breakdown, I was crying, screaming, and freaking out in our car on our way to lunch to make the decision to go our not. Poor Dennis I don't know how he puts up with most of the time! Doesn't sound like that big of a deal right? Correct, but to an emotional wreck that had more culture shock going back to her own country than going to a third world one without her common neccessistites, it was the hardest decision of my moment! I wanted to go, to be a part of her big planning day, support her and Jason, see the dresses and be there for her, but I couldn't, I was so distraught about "having" to do something that I didn't want to do anything. So thats what I did, I cried myself back to the house and I went to the couch, cried some more than prayed than cried than slept for half the day!
That was how my week began...
After going back to "normal" life, starting work and seeing family, I had this itching feeling to simplify my life. Seeing the children with torn clothes, no shoes, no clean drinking water, but big smiles on their faces, brought peace throughout my heart. For the first time I felt contentment in my life. I have not been happy with somethings, mostly our condo, I have felt trapped, (can't sell, can't rent, can't expand) I kept thinking it was going to hold us back from our future, my feelings on that have changed. Whatever God throws at us, and decides is in our future we can do it, we can take it on, and some how make it work and figure it out.
We re figured our finances for what we had to work with, we decided where our priorities are. I instantly wanted to head back to Uganda, back to those children's arms, I wanted to be their for them, be their "Auntie" as they like to call us. I can't, not never, just not now. It took some coming to terms with this but I decided that for now I am going to find a way to help them locally.
I would love to focus my efforts and gifts on people and needs that I am passionate about. I can spread myself so thin trying to help everyone and everything that I can't fully help even one thing, or I can decide where my passion is and jump in that pool and just start treading water until I can see myself moving through the changes. So I'm still trying to figure out how and when, but I think I have a small grasp of what the plan might be. 
I'm still continuing to pray and see where my spiritual gifts are best to be used and to make a goal and purpose for my future and our future. I think my next step is to make a goal board, a little cheesy, but may help out! 
The other thing that hit me when we returned that never even crossed my mind, was how attatched I got to our travel family. For the length and condtions we were traveling in, I couldn't believe how awesome everyone got along. When we got home and it was time to see family and friends, I couldn't stop thinking of the family that we created along the way, the memories we all shared, the experiences that others would never fully understand and the feelings that we all had for each other. Not only did I get to embark on a journey of a lifetime, and be part of a change, I met new people, touched the lives of children, but most of all got my heart changed for ever! I hope these feelings never go away.